Thursday, January 9, 2014

Harsh reality of right from wrong!

I used to believe no matter what we all as parents do our very best to teach our children to do the right things in life and at all cost avoiding the wrong. Oh how more wrong could I be!

As my children get older and more mature they are really starting to see the realities of life.  The huge battles of right vs wrong.  What makes matters even harder for them is to see a parent doing wrong and not have any regard or remorse.  This is getting more and more apparent to them.  Then when they come to me and ask why?  Your first instinct is "they are a miserable excuse for a human being", but non the less it is their father.  So being a mother you try to explain it with out right bashing the other parent.  Which is getting almost impossible these days.  I look to myself to try to understand why myself?  Why would you blatantly want to hurt your children.  Teach them that you as an adult its ok to break the law, to lie, to steal, to be a fraud, and to do whatever it takes to get out of supporting your children.  This is a battle that my children are facing.  They are confused and most of all hurt.  To have your parent look you in your eyes and spew nothing but lies and guilt trips when they know and see the truth.  Why?  I cant answer that.  It is so hard to try to explain to the kids why their parent would do such things.

I struggle daily to keep them steered on the right path.  To undo the damage that has been done to them.  Each one of them react and handle this stress differently.  I have to try to keep my cool and know they are just struggling.

Zack who is now 12 and starting to hit puberty is becoming a emotional roller coaster.  He is taking all this very hard.  Yet he has come through in ways to help and make sure that he knows in his heart he has done the right thing.  But at what cost?  He struggles with some decisions he makes but he knows deep down that he did the right thing but still feels like he has betrayed the other parent to a point.  I have explained that he hasn't betrayed him he protecting his family.  He has been more difficult to at times to keep his emotions under wraps.  He has fits of anger that he takes out on myself the most.  But when confronted about it it anger towards his dad.  He is still figuring out how to get a handle on all these overwhelming feelings.  He sees us struggle and is always there to tell me it will be ok.  Like you tell us mom "as long as we have each other that's what matters."  I am very fortunate to have Scotty is his life.  He is a positive male roll model in Zack's life.  Its not always easy but at the end of the day Zack wishes that Scotty was his real dad.  I have explained to him that just because hes not blood doesn't make him any less of a dad.  Scotty is my backup to help keep the kids on track.   


Amanda is getting ready to turn 11 in a couple weeks.  She is the rock of the 4 kids.  But I am really starting to see the rock slowly being chipped away at.  I am the only person she will ever let her wall down with and cry.  She is not a crier because she thinks that will make her weak. I have explained that is doeskin make you weak it make you human.  After coming home this last weekend she was very withdrawn and quiet.  I took her to her room where she just lost it.  She cried and cried.  Once she got it out she began to open up to me about her feelings.  She is very angry at her dad.  She doesn't understand why he has to be this way.  She thinks his wife is the biggest problem.  She make him focus on her and not us.  This breaks my heart to know she really feels that her dad could care less if they were around or not.  She said the only reason he wants us at all is to not have to pay child support. She said she could care less if she ever sees him again.  I try to be supportive and tell her her dad loves her but she is adamant that he does not! She says her dad is nothing but a lier.  What do you say to that?  As far as her relationship with Scotty it is strong.  They have what I would call who will give up first.  They constantly mess with each other to see who gives in first.  LOL Amanda always wins.  I love watching them interact together is is always good for a laugh.
  

Carissa I worry about the most.  She has a ling problem.  She says she lies because shes afraid.  I have told her and told her if she tells the truth she will get in less trouble than if she lies and gets caught.  Mind you she always gets caught.  She just is so very fragile that it scares me to death.  She wears her heart on her sleeve for everyone to hurt.  Her dad hurts her heart the most she says.  She feels like he only spends time with her to try to get information cause she is the easiest to crack.  She bottles things up inside because she opened up to her first therapist that she trusted and she tried to help her but her voice was not heard.  So now Carissa says she wont open up again.  She said no one will be able to help her.  She has something inside her that I see her struggle with all the time.  But she wont let is out.  She says shes way too scared.  Carissa has come a long way and is growing more and more each day.  All I can do is keep being strong for her and keep trying to help her get through each day.  Teaching her that shes not alone and she doesn't have to be scared anymore.  She is safe.  She tells us that she wants to be a Shewman not a Bouhaben.  Bouhaben is a bad name.  On her papers at school she writes her last name as Shewman.  She says Scotty is her dad and he will never let anything happen to her.  She is very attached to him.
          
My sweet little Mason is 6.  He is the comedian of the bunch.  This kid says some of the craziest things.  He is still kinda in the dark a bit as far as right from wrong.  He is starting to understand and seeing what the others already see.  You don't think he does but then he will make a statement that will blow your mind.  The other day we were going to school rocking out to the radio and he blurts out my dads a butt hole.  Everyone stops, looks at him and he goes what he is.  He just want to have money.  Not us.  I was speechless.  I just told him that some people care more about money than what really matters and left it at that.  I am keeping a watchful eye to make sure reality doesn't slap him really hard in the face and crush his big heart.  He is an independent little man but seem to have gotten stuck in "I want" mode.  Its really the last month been really bad.  I am trying to teach him that money does not grow on trees and we have to be careful of what we buy and make sure we get what we need before we get what we want.  Scotty thinks he will be the one that gives us a run for the money but I don't see it.  He is so good hearted.  I know we will keep him headed on the right path. He loves his Scotty.




So each day I face head on! Being there for each one of my children and try to lead by example.  To show them the right people to look up to.  To be strong for them. It hurts me to know end that they struggle daily with tough decisions.  But all Scotty and I can do is continue to instill good values and morals and teach them the right form the wrong.  I have the up most faith in my children that they will always do whats right.  After all they are half me.  I know the road will have its ups and downs.  That there will be bumps in the road that we will conquer together as a family.  My love for my family is unconditional.  This year I will continue to me the best mother I can be and not loose sight of the other most important person in my life, my husband.  I know I put him on the back burner at times but I think he understands.  He is the backbone of this family.  Without him I'm afraid we would fall apart.  I am so grateful to him to be not only a good husband but an upstanding father to the kids.  He is what these kids need in a father.  Scotty thank you.  Don't ever loose sight of how much we love and respect you.  143.  To my kids stay strong and know I will always be here no matter what!  

Friday, November 1, 2013

Taking people for grantant?

This is something I am proud to say I don't think I do.  I know how precious and short life can be and this week proved it by a huge reality slap in the face.  I was very quiet about this weeks goings on but if my almost tragedy will help someone else realize how important life is then this was worth it.

(Cliff Notes Version) Some friends of Scotty's, Richard and Neil wanted to go camping Sunday to Monday.  Scotty really didn't want to go cause we had tons to get done around the house.  I will also add Neil didn't really want to go either, but after persistent begging, rationalizing, and negotiations they gave in.  Mind you against his better judgement.  5:30 am Sunday Scotty loaded up his gear and Bumble Bee (his enduro motorcycle) and they were off.  As always hugs and kisses and told him to be safe.  As he left I asked "At what point Monday if you are not home should I start to worry"  He said "dark".  So off he went. Where he went was Dusy Eshom Trail that has NO CELL SERVICE.  Neils wife Andrea and I had exchanged phone numbers the day prior.

Monday at 5pm still had no word from any of them.  I called Andrea and asked if she had heard anything.  Her response " no and I'm starting to get worried they should have been home or in cell phone range by now."  We decided to give it an hour.  6pm still no word.  So Andrea said she would call the sheriff because she knew more precise of their whereabouts than I did.  Sheriff said they had two units headed up there.  Approximately 6:30 pm Richard calls Andrea and lets her know cause he had gotten out and was at the truck: Monday morning when they awoke to a freak storm that dropped 2 ft of snow and all they had was the motorcycles. The truck was 9 miles away in hella treacherous terrain and then add snow on top of that.  They had not packed or been prepared for snow or more than 2 days up there.  There was no way they were going to be able to get out of there.  Luckily for them some hard core jeep 4X4 guys were camped next to them and they offered to help get them out.  They started out by trying to ride the bikes out but it just was not possible.  So it came down to keep trying to get the bikes out or their lives.  The temperatures has severely plummeted, down to 7 degrees to be precise.  So the bikes were left and they proceeded to ride/hike out.  Richard was in the lead jeep and Scotty and Neil were in another jeep.  They were cold and hungry but ok.  The Sheriff Dept contacted Richard and he canceled them said they would be fine.  Richard was the only one that made it out Monday night.  The rest were still trapped.

 

By some miracle Scotty got cell service and called @8pm Monday night.  The kids were all crying cause they were so worried about him.  He said they had to stop for the night and that they would continue trying to head out in the morning.  Come to find out Richard (who was already out) had all of Scotty's gear and tent.  Scotty did at least have his sleeping bag.  The cold and complete exhaustion from trying to get out of there was taking its toll on the guys.  Scotty was weak, frozen, and dehydrated.  The conditions were so bad Scotty was scared for their lives.  The poor kids cried themselves to sleep that night.  Tuesday rolls around and they started heading out @ 9am.  They hoped to be back to the truck by noon.  Noon comes and goes with no word.  Around 1pm Neil calls Andrea and to say they are still working there way out but were fixing a blowout on one of the jeeps.  He hoped they would be out by 3pm.  They did ultimately make it out barely and headed home. Unfortunately the eduro will most likely not be recovered until spring and i'm sure will be a total loss, but all I cared is that Scotty got out.



The kids sat by the window and the second they saw Neils truck the kids flew out the door and tears streaming down there little faces they wrapped their arms around there dad.  Scotty in turn melted back into them.  To see him was a huge sigh of relief and my heart just was overwhelmed. I had prepared a fire and hot meal cause he hadn't eaten in 2 days. 

Scotty said that they barely made it out of there and all he could think about was me and the kids.  He was so fearful he would never see us again.  If they hadn't made it out of there by Tuesday they would have had to have them all rescued.  Cause they would not have had the strength to continue.  He has some frost bite and severe dehydration but is making a full recovery.

I almost lost my husband this week.  I counted my blessings to have my husband returned to me.  I could not imagine my life without him.  He is my best friend.  I am very blessed to have such a wonderful family.  We have worked very hard and have come so far.  I never will ever take my family for grantant.  Through this tragedy I really saw the overwhelming love these kids have for Scotty and how important he is to them.  He is their dad is every way but blood.  They were beyond devastated when he was not home when he said and knew he was stranded in the snow.  All they could do was cry, and say how much they missed him and if he was going to be ok and come home to us.

I can say with great certainty that Scotty will never go camping with Richard again.  This was the 2nd trip with him and the first was not great either.  I will probably never get Scotty to go to the snow again at least not for some time.  All that matters is he is safe and he is home where he belongs.  With his family!     

     


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Braces Anyone?

So it was time to take the kids to the dentist for 6 month check up.  Since I was at it I figured I would have Zack, Amanda, and Carissa see the orthodontist for a free consult.  Up first was Zack.  While I sat in the corner like a kid that had just been put on time out i watched closely with fingers and toes crossed.  The silence as the orthodontist looked rolled to his laptop and then back to look.  Then the bombshell..........Zack would need phase 1 and phase 2 for braces.  The ortho was surprised at almost 12 that Zack still had 6 baby teeth.  The x-rays showed that the permanent teeth were coming in crooked so phase 2 was definitely going to be needed.
Next up Amanda!  Being pretty as a picture and all smiles she sat in the chair.  Again the Dr was silent and rolled back and forth from Amanda to the Laptop.  Had her close her mouth and swallow.  Hmmmmm puzzled I was intrigued.  Then there came the news.......Amanda was also in need of braces.  She had a tongue thrust (apparently this is inherited from me).  She will also need a special appliance in her mouth to help correct the tongue thrust.



2 down and 1 to go.  Carissa talking a mile a minute, question after question.  The ortho had to tell her he couldn't look at her mouth if she was talking.  So she opened wide and he began his exam.  Again he had her also close her mouth and swallow.  Oh no not her to I folded my hands and was like please not her too.  Sure as I finished the thought in my head the anvil dropped.  Carissa would also require braces and the special appliance because she too inherited mommy's tongue thrust.  (mind u she told me it was my fault lol) My heart jumped into the pit of my stomach.  So here we are 4 days later and I have 3 out of 4 of my babies with braces.
They had their braces installed the same day.  For anyone that knows me "Lets getter done".  Although this will cost Scotty and I a fortune we know that in the end it will all be worth it.  By the time they are all out of braces it will most likely me Masons turn. 

After the three ortho appointments all 4 had dentist appointments.  Zack had a cavity in a tooth that was within a week of falling out so the dentist pulled it.  Amanda had a cavity between teeth so she will be seen by the specialist to see if they will fill it or cap it.  Carissa also had a cavity but it was where she had had a filling fall out.  She too is to see the specialist to see what they will do with it.  Mason was all good no cavities!

We were at the office from 10:30 am to 4pm.  I am so very fortunate to have such wonderful kids.  Even though we were there all day the kids were very well behaved and great full to get it all out of the way.